Jerry Seinfeld Live
Pantages Theatre -- Los Angeles, CA
Friday, March 16, 2012
Back in 2010, I saw Jerry Seinfeld perform at the Saban Theatre. On that night, my friend June had taken ill, so she was unable to go with me, and I took Liz instead. This time around, June was able to go with me. June and I often quote "Seinfeld" to each other, so I was glad that she could finally join me to see my favorite comedian. The show was originally slated for only 2 performances on Saturday night, but the tickets sold out quickly, and 2 more shows were added. We got tickets to the earlier show.
I picked up June at her place after I got home from Arizona. We were both hungry, and the pub next door to the theatre had a long wait, so we checked out Delphine, across the street. We didn't have a reservation, but they were able to fit us in, and got us out in time for the show, so they get extra bonus points and tip (or commission, as they called it) for that. The Delphine is part of the W hotel, so the restrooms are actually in the hotel lobby, which was fine, since it's such a nice establishment. My food (scallops with crispy artichoke, watermelon radish and truffles) was wonderful, albeit a bit pricey ($31).
We made it into the theatre with several minutes to spare. Our seats were in row WW, in the orchestra section on the right side. Mario Joyner was the opening act, and he was very funny, making fun of all of the people arriving late, and talking about living in Santa Monica, the "haven for interracial couples and homeless people....so if you're an interracial homeless couple, you've got it made. Oh, and in Santa Monica, they're not called homeless. They're called mortgage-deficient."
Seinfeld was met with thundering applause, and I'll try my best to remember some of his lines this time around.
- Life is just what happens between the times that you've found your next seat.
- I can't believe you're taking this way, driving that fast, wearing that shirt.
- We were not properly prepared for the invention of the Pop-Tart.
- We don't drink coffee. We "have" coffee.
- It's not enough that we hung the poor innocent creature, but let's hit it with a bat and then eat whatever comes out of him and falls on the ground. Then we'll take his brother, put him up on the wall, and stick pins in him with his own tail.
- All you really want is a juiced-up, hard rectangle in your pants.
- A deathbed? Why would anyone want to buy anything called that?
- 69? This is the number they came up with? Are you telling me that nobody at the phone company went to junior high school?...I can't wait to see what you come up with for 3-way calling.
- I didn't know that being in a marriage is the same as being in a musical.
- Men really want to make their wives happy. They do. They just can't. Marriage is like being on a game show every day, and you're playing in the lightning round. "I'll take 'Movies' for $200." My wife, the returning champion, says, "I'll take '15-minute conversations that took place 5 years ago in which you probably said something wrong' for $1000, Alex."
He received a standing ovation, and took a few questions from the audience. I liked when they asked if his mom lives in Florida. He said yes, he bought her a car, which has a cataract windshield: it's 10 inches thick, and when you look into it, everybody's heads are huge.
To quote Seinfeld's TV mom: "How could anyone not like him?"