It Still Hurts

September 11, 2011


10 years ago today, I turned on my TV to the morning news as always, to hear the traffic and weather for the day as I got ready for work.  But that was no ordinary day, and I forgot about traffic as soon as I saw what was airing:  smoke was billowing out of the World Trade Center.  Troubled, I still went to work, where everyone was talking about the events of the morning in NYC and DC.  One of my co-workers was frantic because her son was working at the Pentagon that day, and she couldn't reach him.  The rest of us just listened to her and empathized.  Thank goodness, her son turned out to be all right.  But not everyone was that lucky.  The governor closed down all of the state offices for the day, and we went home, frightened and worried about what was to come.  


Ten years later, the world mourns those that America lost that day.  I will not be attending any ceremonies today, but I am watching the ceremony as it airs live in New York City, and I cry.  This weekend, our pastor had asked the music ministers to play "Let There Be Peace On Earth" at the end of each Mass.  I had thought of doing so when I was choosing songs last week, but it wasn't on the suggested list.  I did choose "Eternal Father, Strong to Save," which is the Naval Hymn and one of of my favorites.  But I was happy to add Father Michael's request to the list.


Last night at Mass, we opened with Eternal Father, and Fr. Michael gave us enough time that we were able to sing all of the verses, so that we could pay tribute to all of the armed forces.  Prior to the homily, he lit a candle, which was on a pedestal in front of a book of remembrance, with a small American flag draped over it, and there were beautiful yellow roses at the bottom of the pedestal.  He also shared with us his reaction to the events of 9/11.  Ever since that day, Fr. Michael has added an extra Our Father and Hail Mary at the end of every Mass, in order to pray for peace.  We sang the requested song at the end.  


Something came over me at the moment that I announced the song, and I felt the Holy Spirit working through me and allowing me to sing the song better than I'd ever sang it before.  It was like I was listening to someone else sing.  Mind you, I've been singing this song since I learned to play it on the piano as a 7-year old, and I know that the notes are in the meat of my range, so I think that I do the song very well most of the time.  But last night, it meant more to me.  Somehow, I was able to control my tears and sang my heart out.


I drove to my parents' house last night, and listened to the CBS news on the radio, where they were remembering the reaction 10 years ago.  The quote that moved me the most was that of someone from Europe (sorry, I can't remember), who said, "We are all Americans today."  I had forgotten that the whole world had mourned with us, especially Europe.  America had been there for them when war had hit their soil, and now they were there for us.  Oh, now, I'm crying again.  Yeah, it was kind of hard to drive at those moments last night.


I know that there will be a tribute today at Disneyland, which had closed on 9/11/01.  Part of me wishes that I could be there, but the other part of me needs to be with my family, so here I am.


A decade later, it still hurts.  I didn't personally know anyone that died that day, but as an American, I mourn with everyone else today.  I wish that our country was as unified every day as it is today, even though our foundation is that of being free to be different.  I pray, though, that we do find peace.


"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be.
With God as our Father, brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother in perfect harmony.


Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now.
With every breath I take, let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally
Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."


Mary, Queen of Peace: Pray for Us.